Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
