Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
