I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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