FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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