If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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