Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
