I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
