lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
