Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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