is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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