At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
