I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
someone owes me an orgasm
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
