I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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