took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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