Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry caligal14 hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(303): View more from Colorado

I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.

Fav 14 3881 977
share tweet
(415): View more from California

From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.

Fav 5 1240 3227
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(267): View more from Pennsylvania

so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted

Fav 21 5367 1050
share tweet
(631): View more from New York

I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.

Fav 5 1890 1272
share tweet
(303): View more from Colorado

We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.

Fav 8 3021 757
share tweet
(406): View more from Montana

Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.

Fav 6 2440 1225
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(962): View more from

bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?

Fav 1 850 367
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(786): View more from Florida

You are a genius and a whore.

Fav 0 60 6
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(605): View more from South Dakota

Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.

(605): View more from South Dakota

You live and learn.

Fav 0 21 35
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT