I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
