No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
