people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
