So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
