I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
