shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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