I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
