I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
