its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
