All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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