The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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