I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My life is pants optional.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
