I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
