So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
No subtext here. People are naked.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
