standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
