now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Randomize
