I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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