I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
