made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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