Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
