just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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