sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
don't judge my taste in strippers
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
