I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
