I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
