shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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