But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
