Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Randomize
