so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
