I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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