I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
