I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
