I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
