Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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