I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
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