it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
